


Run, Rudolph

by toastie_bread



Series: Ride or Die [2]
Category: One Piece
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bonus Chapter, Comedy, M/M, Outlaws, Robbery, Set during Christmas, Shopping, Short One Shot, ride or die - Freeform, some violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-23
Updated: 2020-12-23
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:14:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28234476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/toastie_bread/pseuds/toastie_bread
Summary: Law, Luffy, and Kidd go Christmas shopping – or more like Christmas burglarising.
Relationships: Eustass Kid/Monkey D. Luffy/Trafalgar D. Water Law, Monkey D. Luffy/Trafalgar D. Water Law
Series: Ride or Die [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2068350
Comments: 5
Kudos: 32





	Run, Rudolph

**Author's Note:**

> This is a short bonus chapter to On the Run so please read that first!

Law darted his eyes left to right as he stepped into the bustling shopping mall that was decorated with all sorts of festive eyesores and playing music that made his ears bleed. He despised Christmas and particularly this year, due to the fact that he was spending it as an outlaw after his boyfriend decided it would be a fun idea to pick up a random hitch-hiker who turned out to be a criminal. Now, they found themselves in a situation where they were low on cash (Kidd blew most of it at the casino and the rest of it went to feeding the gluttonous pigs) which meant they had to find a way to make easy money in dirty ways. 

This time, Law refused to threaten civilians using weapons as it was far too impulsive and violent for his tastes. He much rather they came by the money in a discreet manner which was both clever and articulated. He carefully crafted a plan the three of them were going to follow that involved acting, being cunning, and luck which thankfully, was usually on their side in the strangest of ways. But there was only one thing he could never account for - the margin of error that was his lover. 

“Why do I have to pretend to be the baby?” Luffy sulked, lifting up the cover from inside the pram Law was pushing. 

“Because you’re the smallest and the most flexible. Will you just try not to draw attention to yourself?” Law responded, trying to keep his voice down. He received a few glances from onlookers who were more than likely staring out of curiosity rather than suspicion. 

“Oi, before we get on with this plan of yours, I’m fucking hungry. Let’s go get some food.” Kidd jerked his thumb over to the food court. 

“No, we can’t afford to blow our cover so soon. There are far too many people there. We will have to come back later,” Law advised. Though, he was beginning to get a little peckish. 

“Shit, I didn’t word that correctly. What I meant to say was, let’s fucking get food right now or else I pull out my gun and fuck shit up, _honey_.” Kidd threatened. Law was growing tired of his constant threats to whip out his gun at any moment that slightly inconvenienced him, but it was still a risk he couldn’t afford to ignore. 

“I’m hungry too!” Luffy exclaimed far too loudly, drawing more attention towards himself against Law’s direction. 

“Okay, fine! We will get food.” Law sighed, following after Kidd as he headed towards the food court. It might not have been a bad idea to get something in his stomach, however, they didn’t have a lot of money to begin with. They probably only had enough for a few pieces of chicken or at the very most, a simple meal of rice and a protein of their choice. 

“Yeah, can we get three large meals of the fried rice with spicy beef, six chicken tenders, eight spring-rolls, and two plates of the BBQ noodles?” Kidd ordered. 

“What the shit? Kidd, we don’t have enough for all of that,” Law whispered into his ear. 

“Oh, my wife here is pregnant and we’ve also got a really annoying kid that won’t shut up, so I’d appreciate it if you could give us a discount,” Kidd said. 

“O-oh, um… I’m not sure we can do -” 

“I wouldn’t mess with this family if I were you. Go ahead and put our order into your little machine and I won’t have to do something that will make sure you don’t squeal. Do you wanna see a pregnant woman starve and two kids behind bars?” The cashier, who must have been a teenager, shook his head nervously before punching in some numbers and taking whatever cash they had left. 

“Y-your order n-number is 64.” Kidd took the receipt and grinned at him, “Appreciate it.” 

“That was far too risky. What if he reports us?” Law pinched the bridge of his nose while Kidd stuffed his face with fried rice. 

“Nah, he doesn’t have the guts. Here, eat up kid.” Kidd picked up the plate of noodles and practically slid all the contents into Luffy’s mouth. The sight was so hideously disturbing that Law had to look away. He even heard a murmuring voice behind him say, ‘oh my, that baby sure eats a lot.’ 

“So, where we headed first? We should rob one of those shoe stores. I wanna get a new pair of sneakers.” Kidd licked his fingers clean. 

“The easiest thing to do is to steal accessories and makeup. They’re small and can be easily concealed. Anything with security tags will set off the gates so we have to make sure to use the advantage of how many people there are and only travel through them when crowds are leaving at the same time. We may get away with it if we’re lucky, but we have to be quick.” Law informed. 

“How’s makeup gonna help us? Make us look pretty?” Kidd raised an eyebrow. 

“No, you idiot. We can sell it for cash. It’s a lot more covert than just barging in and getting on a piece of furniture while pointing your gun at the ceiling.” Law retaliated. 

“Tch. Have it your way.” Kidd went back to eating his food. 

“Oi, don’t hog it all! Gimme some more!” Luffy poked his head out of the pram and reached for one of the spring rolls. 

“Stop that!” Law shoved his head back in, hopefully quick enough before anybody around him witnessed it. That was when he spotted a white-haired cop sitting down on a table a few feet away from them, narrowing his eyes in suspicion. 

“There’s a cop at two o’clock who’s onto us. Let’s go.” Law stood up from his seat and Kidd finished off the rest of his meal, earning a groan from Luffy that thankfully could not be heard over the loud chatter. 

Law’s plan may have been articulated, but it was simple. The three of them would walk into a cosmetics store and pretend to browse. Luffy would then reach out to steal whatever he could touch once Law distracted one of the sales clerks while Kidd stood by. 

“What were you looking for today?” A cheery woman approached him with a tag that read ‘Camie’. 

“I was looking for some mascara and possibly a foundation to match my skin tone. Would you be able to help with that?” Law asked. 

“Yes, of course! What did you want to achieve with your eyelashes? Volume? Length? And were you after a dewy or matte finish?” Camie proceeded to follow up with more questions than he anticipated. Luckily, she listed the options he could respond with. 

“Length and matte.” Law smiled at her. 

“Is this your husband?” Camie turned to Kidd. 

“Yes, unfortunately,” Law responded, receiving a grunt from Kidd. 

Law absently listened to the woman as she took a sponge and applied some of the foundation to his skin before doing the same thing with the mascara. He hoped he stalled enough for Luffy to grab as much of the stock as he could. 

The three of them left once they grasped the opportunity to blend in with a crowd of young adults. Unfortunately, they set off the gates but Law had planned for that to happen. He pushed the pram out of the way as Kidd ran back into the store with one of the items they stole, apologising for setting it off as his ‘kid must have accidentally grabbed one of their eyeshadow sticks’. 

He returned to Law with a smug grin on his face, “Fuckers didn’t even think anythin’ of it. Looks like we’re off the hook.” Law breathed a sigh of relief; he was glad people tended to trust people with prams. 

“Did we do it?” Luffy asked. 

“Hell yeah. What’d you end up stealin’ anyway?” Kidd fished around in the pram until he found a deep-red lipstick. 

“This ain’t half bad.” He opened the cap and applied some to his lips prior to gesturing over to their next target. “Oi, let’s go in there.” 

Kidd was referring to was one of those dollar stores that sold party goods and miscellaneous items that didn’t really give them much of a ROI. Law figured they may as well go for it as there weren’t any gates and only one security camera that he could spot. It was almost _too_ easy to just slide something into your pocket without ever getting caught. 

“Are you sure it’s them?” Tashigi peered around the corner once the two men stepped into the store. 

“More than positive. I thought I recognised their faces when I was sitting in the food court.” Smoker had his arms crossed against his chest. 

“Wasn’t there also a third accomplice?” Tashigi queried. 

“He could be waiting outside in a getaway vehicle or standing by as part of their plan. Whatever it is, we will wait for them to leave the store before we apprehend them. These crooks know what they’re doing. They’re clearly not messing around.” Smoker frowned. 

“Will you quit messing around?!” Law snapped as Kidd put on a Santa hat and a fake beard. 

“Do I have to pull the stick outta ya ass and replace it with my dick? Just havin’ some fun.” Kidd went into the next aisle and Law exhaled. 

“Hey, you okay, Traffy?” Luffy stuck his head out of the pram and Law was too tired to yell at him about it. 

“I’ll be alright. Sorry, your role isn’t that exciting.” Law looked around to make sure the coast was clear before he bent down to give Luffy a quick kiss. 

“You can make it up to me later. Your makeup looks really pretty.” Luffy grinned, going in for another kiss that was a lot more tongue-y than the previous one. For a brief moment, Law was so distracted by it that he forgot they were still in public, abruptly pushing away just as a random customer shot him a disgusted look. 

“It’s not what it looks like - I - I’m just going to go.” Law darted around the corner to the next aisle where he ran into Kidd’s back. 

“Oi, watch where you’re goin’ wifey.” 

“Sorry… someone just saw us kissing,” Law admitted, embarrassingly. 

“Seriously? That’s so fuckin’ hilarious. They thought you were macking it on with your baby.” Kidd laughed. 

“Be quiet! They’re still in the store.” Law was all flustered now. He couldn’t believe he let himself be tempted like that. 

“Hey, Luff. You should be my reindeer.” Kidd pulled out a ridiculous Rudolph costume that was definitely meant for children. 

“Hell yeah! Let me put it on.” Luffy climbed out of the pram and ripped into the plastic packaging so he could pull out the costume and slide into it. It was slightly too small for him, however, he managed to get it on without shredding the material. He popped on the red-nose and the antlers while Law just shook his head. 

“It was that man over there. I saw him assaulting his own child!” The customer from earlier pointed at the three of them, now accompanied by a store clerk. 

“Time to bail?” Kidd turned to Law. 

“Yeah.” Law and Luffy agreed. 

“Smoker!” Tashigi alerted as she spotted the three men sprint out of the store. 

“Get the security guards to block the exits. I’ll go after them.” Smoker left her side, trying his best to maneuver past the startled civilians while he chased after them. He picked up his handheld radio, “This is Officer Smoker requesting backup, we have a 10 - 64 at Sabaody Mall on Archipelago avenue. Three men - one in a Santa hat, one dressed as a reindeer, and one pushing a pram.” 

“Shit, the pigs are onto us.” Kidd spat, pushing through the crowds with Law and Luffy behind him. “You two really couldn’t keep it in your damn pants, huh?!” 

“Do you have to be such a pain in the ass right now? Can’t we just focus on escaping?” Law retorted. 

“You wanna fuckin’ go?” Kidd stopped in front of a sign that read ‘Take your photo with Santa Claus’. 

“Mummy! It’s Santa and his reindeer!” A small child ran up to Kidd and hugged his leg. “Get the hell off,” Kidd demanded, earning a small cry from the child before her mother ran up and pulled her away from him. 

“There they are!” Security guards appeared from all sorts of directions and started sprinting towards them. Luffy grabbed a nearby shopping cart and tipped the contents out of it before picking up the pram and dumping all the stolen makeup into the cart. “Get in. I’ll take us outside,” Luffy directed. 

Law barely had time to think when Kidd grabbed onto him and yanked him into the cart while Luffy dashed through the shopping mall to the tune of ‘Jingle Bells’. 

He truly despised Christmas.

**Author's Note:**

> Something about Kidd yelling "You wanna fuckin' go?" at Law in a fake white beard just makes me laugh. I hope you enjoyed more shenanigans from the three outlaws.


End file.
